Summertime 2020

Man what a summer that was! Lots of work, time spent outside and a little bit of schoolwork.  In the beginning of the summer a friend and I decided to start training for a marathon.  After some discussions and debating we decided on running the Rock n' Roll marathon in December in Texas! I am super pumped and loving training but also, it is 26.2 miles.  The summer was not overly hot but that was nice since I spent the majority of my time in scrubs with a mask and shield on.....thank you covid.  Aunt Maria, Uncle Pat and the fam came to town for a few weeks which was fun.  We went on many walks, runs and enjoyed each other's company.  After they left town one of my best friends came to vist me.  We spent a full week of hiking, rafting, and kayaking around Montana.  Such good times and a much needed visit, at least for me it was.  

This summer I felt more alone than I ever have in my life.  This was ridiculous because I knew/know that I am not alone yet the feeling would consistently be there which was annoying.  By the end of the summer I had had it with this feeling.  I lashed out at my family which was not the best decision as I stormed off to work, yet again.  Looking back I was being a twerp and trying to bury my feelings, telling myself that it will all just go away and I will return to normal.  I think this is the hardest part of life for me, acknowledging that I do have feelings, emotions and cannot always keep up a front that life is fine.  We were created with emotions, feelings, passions etc. yet, I have the hardest time accepting that I have them. I know that all people do but I refuse to accept that I am also human, like all of you hooligans.  So to help this situation (or attempt to help it) I have committed to training for this marathon, committed to finishing this semester strong, and simply living.  Decisions of where to move and schools/jobs after this semester are looming over my head; at the same time I cannot make any solid decisions until I either am accepted to grad school or I receive a job offer.  Yikes, the overthinker in me is in full swing.  The spontaneous side of me took a trip to Michigan for Labor Day weekend which was so enjoyable and made me feel like I would thrive living out there if that is what ends up happening with me after this semester. So here are some pictures 

Testing out some grapes before they become wine. Some of my favorite things.

Paddle boarding on Placid with the little sis.  The sunset was gorgeous that evening even though there was so much smoke. 

Summer 2020

Cheers to the summer! Aside from finishing up a few EMT courses and listening to one more thesis today, I am done with school for the semester.  Only one more semester, 17 credits, or four more months of school left in the fall.  Hopefully, it all goes well. The past semester was fine and fairly easy but definitely ended with some rocky roads as I tried to apply for graduation.  Also, hopefully that is all figured out, thank goodness for my wonderful advisor who is not taking any crap for it from the head of the department.

I am working at Touchmark for the summer and so far it is pretty good.  The residents always bring so much light to my life.  Last night I met a lady who lived through World War II which was so fascinating to listen to.  She was a very German lady who spoke super fast, whizzing through her stories.  My memory care residents are the best, bringing life to me all the time.  I have already worked many hours and am trying to stash away a lot of money for the summer. 

The summer will hopefully bring a lot of training, sun tanning, and enjoying the rest I can get.  So far, I have enjoyed many hikes and long runs.  Even the exhausting runs at the end of the day and many steps around Touchmark.  Another goal of mine is to get up to Glacier this summer which would be an excellent time! I think I would do some camping which, sshhhhh, that did not come out of my mouth.  Hopefully will check in soon!

Cheers!

Slacker

While no one really reads this except for me, I am a slacker.  Yep, I think of writing details down and then I immediately procrastinate with something else.  Even worse, I think that the details I would write down are just not all that worth it.  So, without further ado here are some events.

It is already 2020 and honestly I just cannot believe that I lived through 2019.  That was maybe, quite possibly one of the hardest years of my life.  There were no big decisions to be made, nothing super significant about the year (turned 23) and one of the toughest academic "years", spring and fall of 2019.  While I deepened some of my friendships, I lost a whole ton of them too.  Which is totally fine because quite honestly, I am better off without them.  I began my research for my undergraduate studies which took a lot of my time, fascinating and making me sound like a nerd when in fact, I am definitely the opposite.  This girl is not a school freak, certainly could live without school.  I took heavy loads of all upper level classes, trying to complete this degree sooner versus later. Every week, no, every day contained tears in some sort of fashion. Sometimes they were from exhaustion, some from frustration, and even some from downright anger.  This all being said, I made it, I am alive, and I am continuing on in my degree. 

2019 also held some details that made me grow as a person.  I ran my first half marathon in the dead cold of February, which meant that training was in the cold of December and January.  This run was something I learned to love training for.  The early mornings with long 6, 7, 8, 10 mile runs.  I loved the challenge of finding a route to take, ensuring I was putting in the mileage so that come race day I didn't completely die.  Race day presented itself as a bluebird day with a sea of color rolling over the hills onto the road around the lake. Finishing the run proved to myself that yes, I can do hard things and that yes, I am a tough girl.  (I sat down very quickly hoping that someday I would feel my legs).  Spring break brought a trip that I had wanted to take forever.  I went to Michigan to vist Aunt Maria and the family.  Such an enjoyable trip of enjoying some of their sunshine, visiting new places and meeting new people.  A trip that would be such a cherished memory. 

The summer of 2019 brought a fantastic idea to visit James in New Mexico, adding a triathlon into the mix for the trip.......in August.  The summer was kind of a dreary summer; there wasn't much smoke, very few hot, sizzling days, and again, nothing significant.  There was training to be done, concerts with friends (Brad Paisley and Riley Greene <3), and a whole lot of nothing.  Aunt Maria, Uncle Pat and the family came out for two weeks, allowing me to spend some quality time with Hannah, such a little gem.  The end of the summer came, Katherine moved back to Helena, I moved out of our apartment and in with Melldie, and a few short weeks later I flew to New Mexico for some sizzling hot days. 

New Mexico was also a trip that was one I had wanted to take for a long time.  It was gorgeous down there.  The Sandia mountains stretched around Albuquerque with the pituresque desert stretching far and wide below them.  We went out dancing to a fantastic bar and a spinning disco ball in the shape of a saddle.  (Right up my hick alley)  The next morning we went running at 1100, beginning with a 70 degree day and ending right around 98 degrees.  I sat there thinking of how sick I felt with a race the next day looming over my head. The following morning we left Albuquerque for Santa Fe at approximately 0330, bright and very early.  It was a phenonemal triathlon, racing across the rolling hills of Santa Fe, jumping into the pool and running across the finish line all by the bright and early time of 0900.  We followed the race with some eggs and going to see St.  Joseph's staircase, the basillica, and wandering around old town Santa Fe.  Arriving back in Albuquerque we were tired but the party had to go on.  After a minimal nap, I threw on a dress, attempted my makep and hair and walked out the door for Mass.  James had invited many people out to celebrate my birthday at an amazing restaurant that had fresh seafood.  This trip summed up everything I needed to really have some growth in my life.  That growth that needed to be solidified was as follows.

It would take one more slighting after Christmas of 2019 to really solidify what I already knew but the New Mexico trip set the path for me to truly understand it.  Every woman is meant to be treated like a literal queen.  Not in the manner of her ruling the roost but in her dignity being upheld as the greatest prize of men.  James showed me this as my cousin.  He showed me that men are capable of treating women with such dignity, no games, and always truly focusing on her.  I saw this when he treated his ex-girlfriend with such dignity, even going to dinner with her and enjoying her company.  He showed me that a man is meant to love seeing the girl giddy with excitement as she stands at the edge of a mountain, that her birthday should be such a celebration even though she is only turning 23, and simply her excitement (or frustrations) should be heard, not only heard but acknowledged. 

Fall of 2019 was a tough part of the school year but that is okay.  We are made stronger by being tested with difficult tasks.  I would say that 2019, regardless of how hard and how many tears were shed, made me a stronger person.  It made me someone I have wanted to be for forever.  I chased this person for a long time and could not find her.  I am so thankful for the experiences, regardless of how horrible because I can be more empathetic, I can be more kind, and I feel like I can truly strive to be the person God made me to be.  This quote is what 2019 (and God obviously) has taught me, "Allow God to continually soften your heart, so that it beats for what His heart beats for, people".

Just some pictures to capture the trip to Albuquerque

The Beginning of Fall 2018

Because I never know what I am doing, when I will next speak to some people, or when I will even see certain people here goes a little documentation of the first three weeks of school.  (Probably see you around Thanksgiving)

We began the school year by Katherine and I moving into our own apartment.  It is a little apartment which we absolutely love.  We are still decorating it and currently the decoration in the kitchen is a statue of Mary on our fridge and my little bit of red/gold material, that I bought in France, draped above the window.  As we have been settling into our kind of new way of living we also have been trying some recipes out. (I have tried a couple variations of tacos as well as an asian salad.....my cooking is improving) Some truffles were made in the process as well because no one can forget about dessert.  I would say that we are definitely winging this thing of living on our own. Stop by for some entertainment and maybe trying some new tasty recipes.....okay not my recipes, Katherine's tasty cooking. 

Now on to the school part.  I was so worried about stepping into my organic chemistry class this semester.  I am telling ya, I definitely have anxiety from last semester's chemistry class.  Aside from that our professor is great.  She answers our questions, practices the material in class with us, and is always ready to make some sort of joke about the material. (Why do we rarely talk about Boron? Cause it's boring.) Physics is......interesting. Our professor's first language is not english so that makes learning physics a bit difficult as most times we are trying to figure out what she just said in the first place.  The other classes are just fine.  Lab is scheduled for three hours and we have been told we are lucky if we get out at three hours.  Our lab professor was true to her word as we left lab three and a half hours later.  With all of this I still enjoy my major a lot. 

Lastly, what do we do for fun? Well to start with Katherine and I workout pretty much every day (except for lab day because I am exhausted).  Pretty much every Tuesday we go out dancing for a couple of hours and pretend to be the Bell of the ball.  We do have many dancing partners because according to the guys we are the best ones there. And that is about it for what we do.  School is our priority and right after that our sleep is.  So here is to the semester of maintaining a sleep, study, and fun schedule!

Searching for our purpose

This summer has led to a lot of self reflection that sometimes is not the most fun thing to do.  At the same time it leads to becoming a better version of yourself.  While so often I wish I knew exactly what I am going to do with each of my days and how to take the next step to reach my goal I realize that there needs to be the peace with just taking the next step and living in the moment. This summer I have done exactly that by meeting new people and enjoying planning parties for people to enjoy each other's company.  By planning these things I hope to introduce like minded people to create a community of people who are inspiring each other to be the best versions of themselves.

Something I have learned very slowly and am still learning is that I am not perfect so this life is far from perfect.  Which what even is perfect? ....besides our Lord.  As my mornings start with a slap in the face (literally) from a lady I care for I wonder what I am even going on for.  Then my day ends with a little lady grabbing my hand and whispering in my ear that she loves me.  She might tell me she wants me fired tomorrow but for now she loves me.  This, this is what I show up to work for each and every day. I am here to ensure that the little lady, who does not remember who her husband is, has a good day and that she goes to sleep knowing somehow she is loved in some way.  My job each day is for the man that I care for to know he will not need to worry about how he is getting to his appointments. For now this is my purpose.  My purpose is to care for these people who are at a vulnerable stage in life and for now that is what I must be content with. 

For any of those searching for their purpose try to take solace in knowing that you are living your purpose if you are striving.  You are living your purpose if you are running towards the Lord. 

   

A Catholic Life

How often the world looks at a Catholic life and think it is boring and too restraining.  This is so far from the truth because this life is the most exciting life that one can have! This last semester Katherine and I attended a college group led by Father Kirby.  This group was such a blessing, beyond just the theology of the group there was such a great little community formed from meeting our swing dance partners to just knowing more people around campus.  Our priest is a very young priest, thus he definitely feeds our souls with theology and adventures.  As we were preparing for the end of school and finals had us all in a tizzy Father Kirby asked us what we were going to do to continue forming our souls over the summer.  With all good intentions we each went around discussing how we were going to continue our spiritual education over the summer.  Then summer hit.  I have not been to daily Mass very often, confession is hard to go to when I am at work, and my time with Jesus is often me telling Him how tired I am at the end of a day's work in adoration.   Often I sit there in the chapel just silently crying or begging God for some energy to continue my day.  My worry is that I am not doing enough, not enough for my family, not enough for others, and certainly not enough for God.  This leads me to my next thought.

As I was talking to one of my closest friends the other evening I realized that God does not ask for perfection but He does ask us to strive for progress.  Progress can be seen in many different ways in the world but in the Catholic world it is seen as one striving to point others to Christ.  How often I think to myself that I want to save the world and that me, myself, and I can do it. I am constantly humbled as I hold a person's hand as she nears death and a tear streams down my face.  I am humbled as I hold someone near because words cannot explain the fear of losing their memories, intellect, and comprehension of this world.  I am humbled as I see that I am not the wisest nor the smartest but that someone else is.  Living this wild Catholic life never leaves one without hope.  There is always hope for the person as they pass from this world to the next.  There is hope for the person who is slowly losing their memories.  And there is hope even for me, who is not the wisest nor the smartest.  If each of us live our lives as striving and progressing then this world will become better; it is when this world becomes stagnant and thinks we have reached perfection than we have something to be worried about.  So keep striving and know that there is always hope. 


                                           Just some pictures to keep updated on life.

 

Montana Tech and Other Life Events

This previous January I moved down to Butte, Montana. (Otherwise known as Butte, America)  Down there I am majoring in Chemistry with a minor in psychology.  My days are filled with labs, class times, and lots of studying.  Spring break finally came but the two weeks prior to it were pretty darn hard.  They were filled with late nights, going to Helena, and of course lots of studying.  As spring break approached I caught a cold somewhere and man talk about sending myself for a whirl.  Even though I did catch a cold I still took off dancing because that is all I had been looking forward to and as I walked through the doors I was so happy I did.  Chris (one of the guys) was super excited and instantly held out his hands as we started spinning across the floor.

This is such a crazy mess of thoughts but often I wonder what God has in plan for me.  As I wonder this I think of how life is definitely not perfect but because it is not perfect there is more adventure to it.  As I am racing up the highways to go back to Helena for youth group sometimes I am hanging on by a thread.  Sometimes I am super excited to be headed back but sometimes tears are streaming down my face because I am so tired.  What joy comes from all of this though.  In my small existence I wonder what the point is.  The point is this; in the small existence of someone there is so much importance to them.  The thought of how you don't matter is the opposite of what it should mean.  It is the greatest practice of humility.  You are not important but you are so important.  God thought the world needed one of you....only you.  At the same time you are here to serve not to be served.  Such great practice of humility, especially for me.

Now just for some fun updates.  I love dancing and have really missed it the past couple of years.  I have went every once in a while but not as much as I used to.  So Tuesday nights are the night! This has been one of the best things that has happened.  The new moves and spinning across the floor all the while trying to make everything look so smoothe and fancy.  It has put me back to working on now leading all the time but sometimes following, and really trusting.  All the way from simple floor moves to trusting a fall there are many opportunities for me to learn (again) that I am not the one in charge all the time.  Another fun little bucket list thing I have added is tagging cows.  I tagged my first cow a couple weeks ago which was fun and a little terrifying as the gun got ripped out of my hands as I was holding the little calf down. 

Montana, my heart belongs here and will always belong here.  The opportunities and the adventures are endless.  From skiing down cliffs to getting ready for cliff jumping during the summer you will always hold the next opportunity that allows for one to be humbled constantly.

Till next time,
~A Girl Chasing Her Dreams