It is already 2020 and honestly I just cannot believe that I lived through 2019. That was maybe, quite possibly one of the hardest years of my life. There were no big decisions to be made, nothing super significant about the year (turned 23) and one of the toughest academic "years", spring and fall of 2019. While I deepened some of my friendships, I lost a whole ton of them too. Which is totally fine because quite honestly, I am better off without them. I began my research for my undergraduate studies which took a lot of my time, fascinating and making me sound like a nerd when in fact, I am definitely the opposite. This girl is not a school freak, certainly could live without school. I took heavy loads of all upper level classes, trying to complete this degree sooner versus later. Every week, no, every day contained tears in some sort of fashion. Sometimes they were from exhaustion, some from frustration, and even some from downright anger. This all being said, I made it, I am alive, and I am continuing on in my degree.
2019 also held some details that made me grow as a person. I ran my first half marathon in the dead cold of February, which meant that training was in the cold of December and January. This run was something I learned to love training for. The early mornings with long 6, 7, 8, 10 mile runs. I loved the challenge of finding a route to take, ensuring I was putting in the mileage so that come race day I didn't completely die. Race day presented itself as a bluebird day with a sea of color rolling over the hills onto the road around the lake. Finishing the run proved to myself that yes, I can do hard things and that yes, I am a tough girl. (I sat down very quickly hoping that someday I would feel my legs). Spring break brought a trip that I had wanted to take forever. I went to Michigan to vist Aunt Maria and the family. Such an enjoyable trip of enjoying some of their sunshine, visiting new places and meeting new people. A trip that would be such a cherished memory.
The summer of 2019 brought a fantastic idea to visit James in New Mexico, adding a triathlon into the mix for the trip.......in August. The summer was kind of a dreary summer; there wasn't much smoke, very few hot, sizzling days, and again, nothing significant. There was training to be done, concerts with friends (Brad Paisley and Riley Greene <3), and a whole lot of nothing. Aunt Maria, Uncle Pat and the family came out for two weeks, allowing me to spend some quality time with Hannah, such a little gem. The end of the summer came, Katherine moved back to Helena, I moved out of our apartment and in with Melldie, and a few short weeks later I flew to New Mexico for some sizzling hot days.
New Mexico was also a trip that was one I had wanted to take for a long time. It was gorgeous down there. The Sandia mountains stretched around Albuquerque with the pituresque desert stretching far and wide below them. We went out dancing to a fantastic bar and a spinning disco ball in the shape of a saddle. (Right up my hick alley) The next morning we went running at 1100, beginning with a 70 degree day and ending right around 98 degrees. I sat there thinking of how sick I felt with a race the next day looming over my head. The following morning we left Albuquerque for Santa Fe at approximately 0330, bright and very early. It was a phenonemal triathlon, racing across the rolling hills of Santa Fe, jumping into the pool and running across the finish line all by the bright and early time of 0900. We followed the race with some eggs and going to see St. Joseph's staircase, the basillica, and wandering around old town Santa Fe. Arriving back in Albuquerque we were tired but the party had to go on. After a minimal nap, I threw on a dress, attempted my makep and hair and walked out the door for Mass. James had invited many people out to celebrate my birthday at an amazing restaurant that had fresh seafood. This trip summed up everything I needed to really have some growth in my life. That growth that needed to be solidified was as follows.
It would take one more slighting after Christmas of 2019 to really solidify what I already knew but the New Mexico trip set the path for me to truly understand it. Every woman is meant to be treated like a literal queen. Not in the manner of her ruling the roost but in her dignity being upheld as the greatest prize of men. James showed me this as my cousin. He showed me that men are capable of treating women with such dignity, no games, and always truly focusing on her. I saw this when he treated his ex-girlfriend with such dignity, even going to dinner with her and enjoying her company. He showed me that a man is meant to love seeing the girl giddy with excitement as she stands at the edge of a mountain, that her birthday should be such a celebration even though she is only turning 23, and simply her excitement (or frustrations) should be heard, not only heard but acknowledged.
Fall of 2019 was a tough part of the school year but that is okay. We are made stronger by being tested with difficult tasks. I would say that 2019, regardless of how hard and how many tears were shed, made me a stronger person. It made me someone I have wanted to be for forever. I chased this person for a long time and could not find her. I am so thankful for the experiences, regardless of how horrible because I can be more empathetic, I can be more kind, and I feel like I can truly strive to be the person God made me to be. This quote is what 2019 (and God obviously) has taught me, "Allow God to continually soften your heart, so that it beats for what His heart beats for, people".
Just some pictures to capture the trip to Albuquerque
