Summertime 2020

Man what a summer that was! Lots of work, time spent outside and a little bit of schoolwork.  In the beginning of the summer a friend and I decided to start training for a marathon.  After some discussions and debating we decided on running the Rock n' Roll marathon in December in Texas! I am super pumped and loving training but also, it is 26.2 miles.  The summer was not overly hot but that was nice since I spent the majority of my time in scrubs with a mask and shield on.....thank you covid.  Aunt Maria, Uncle Pat and the fam came to town for a few weeks which was fun.  We went on many walks, runs and enjoyed each other's company.  After they left town one of my best friends came to vist me.  We spent a full week of hiking, rafting, and kayaking around Montana.  Such good times and a much needed visit, at least for me it was.  

This summer I felt more alone than I ever have in my life.  This was ridiculous because I knew/know that I am not alone yet the feeling would consistently be there which was annoying.  By the end of the summer I had had it with this feeling.  I lashed out at my family which was not the best decision as I stormed off to work, yet again.  Looking back I was being a twerp and trying to bury my feelings, telling myself that it will all just go away and I will return to normal.  I think this is the hardest part of life for me, acknowledging that I do have feelings, emotions and cannot always keep up a front that life is fine.  We were created with emotions, feelings, passions etc. yet, I have the hardest time accepting that I have them. I know that all people do but I refuse to accept that I am also human, like all of you hooligans.  So to help this situation (or attempt to help it) I have committed to training for this marathon, committed to finishing this semester strong, and simply living.  Decisions of where to move and schools/jobs after this semester are looming over my head; at the same time I cannot make any solid decisions until I either am accepted to grad school or I receive a job offer.  Yikes, the overthinker in me is in full swing.  The spontaneous side of me took a trip to Michigan for Labor Day weekend which was so enjoyable and made me feel like I would thrive living out there if that is what ends up happening with me after this semester. So here are some pictures 

Testing out some grapes before they become wine. Some of my favorite things.

Paddle boarding on Placid with the little sis.  The sunset was gorgeous that evening even though there was so much smoke. 

Summer 2020

Cheers to the summer! Aside from finishing up a few EMT courses and listening to one more thesis today, I am done with school for the semester.  Only one more semester, 17 credits, or four more months of school left in the fall.  Hopefully, it all goes well. The past semester was fine and fairly easy but definitely ended with some rocky roads as I tried to apply for graduation.  Also, hopefully that is all figured out, thank goodness for my wonderful advisor who is not taking any crap for it from the head of the department.

I am working at Touchmark for the summer and so far it is pretty good.  The residents always bring so much light to my life.  Last night I met a lady who lived through World War II which was so fascinating to listen to.  She was a very German lady who spoke super fast, whizzing through her stories.  My memory care residents are the best, bringing life to me all the time.  I have already worked many hours and am trying to stash away a lot of money for the summer. 

The summer will hopefully bring a lot of training, sun tanning, and enjoying the rest I can get.  So far, I have enjoyed many hikes and long runs.  Even the exhausting runs at the end of the day and many steps around Touchmark.  Another goal of mine is to get up to Glacier this summer which would be an excellent time! I think I would do some camping which, sshhhhh, that did not come out of my mouth.  Hopefully will check in soon!

Cheers!

Slacker

While no one really reads this except for me, I am a slacker.  Yep, I think of writing details down and then I immediately procrastinate with something else.  Even worse, I think that the details I would write down are just not all that worth it.  So, without further ado here are some events.

It is already 2020 and honestly I just cannot believe that I lived through 2019.  That was maybe, quite possibly one of the hardest years of my life.  There were no big decisions to be made, nothing super significant about the year (turned 23) and one of the toughest academic "years", spring and fall of 2019.  While I deepened some of my friendships, I lost a whole ton of them too.  Which is totally fine because quite honestly, I am better off without them.  I began my research for my undergraduate studies which took a lot of my time, fascinating and making me sound like a nerd when in fact, I am definitely the opposite.  This girl is not a school freak, certainly could live without school.  I took heavy loads of all upper level classes, trying to complete this degree sooner versus later. Every week, no, every day contained tears in some sort of fashion. Sometimes they were from exhaustion, some from frustration, and even some from downright anger.  This all being said, I made it, I am alive, and I am continuing on in my degree. 

2019 also held some details that made me grow as a person.  I ran my first half marathon in the dead cold of February, which meant that training was in the cold of December and January.  This run was something I learned to love training for.  The early mornings with long 6, 7, 8, 10 mile runs.  I loved the challenge of finding a route to take, ensuring I was putting in the mileage so that come race day I didn't completely die.  Race day presented itself as a bluebird day with a sea of color rolling over the hills onto the road around the lake. Finishing the run proved to myself that yes, I can do hard things and that yes, I am a tough girl.  (I sat down very quickly hoping that someday I would feel my legs).  Spring break brought a trip that I had wanted to take forever.  I went to Michigan to vist Aunt Maria and the family.  Such an enjoyable trip of enjoying some of their sunshine, visiting new places and meeting new people.  A trip that would be such a cherished memory. 

The summer of 2019 brought a fantastic idea to visit James in New Mexico, adding a triathlon into the mix for the trip.......in August.  The summer was kind of a dreary summer; there wasn't much smoke, very few hot, sizzling days, and again, nothing significant.  There was training to be done, concerts with friends (Brad Paisley and Riley Greene <3), and a whole lot of nothing.  Aunt Maria, Uncle Pat and the family came out for two weeks, allowing me to spend some quality time with Hannah, such a little gem.  The end of the summer came, Katherine moved back to Helena, I moved out of our apartment and in with Melldie, and a few short weeks later I flew to New Mexico for some sizzling hot days. 

New Mexico was also a trip that was one I had wanted to take for a long time.  It was gorgeous down there.  The Sandia mountains stretched around Albuquerque with the pituresque desert stretching far and wide below them.  We went out dancing to a fantastic bar and a spinning disco ball in the shape of a saddle.  (Right up my hick alley)  The next morning we went running at 1100, beginning with a 70 degree day and ending right around 98 degrees.  I sat there thinking of how sick I felt with a race the next day looming over my head. The following morning we left Albuquerque for Santa Fe at approximately 0330, bright and very early.  It was a phenonemal triathlon, racing across the rolling hills of Santa Fe, jumping into the pool and running across the finish line all by the bright and early time of 0900.  We followed the race with some eggs and going to see St.  Joseph's staircase, the basillica, and wandering around old town Santa Fe.  Arriving back in Albuquerque we were tired but the party had to go on.  After a minimal nap, I threw on a dress, attempted my makep and hair and walked out the door for Mass.  James had invited many people out to celebrate my birthday at an amazing restaurant that had fresh seafood.  This trip summed up everything I needed to really have some growth in my life.  That growth that needed to be solidified was as follows.

It would take one more slighting after Christmas of 2019 to really solidify what I already knew but the New Mexico trip set the path for me to truly understand it.  Every woman is meant to be treated like a literal queen.  Not in the manner of her ruling the roost but in her dignity being upheld as the greatest prize of men.  James showed me this as my cousin.  He showed me that men are capable of treating women with such dignity, no games, and always truly focusing on her.  I saw this when he treated his ex-girlfriend with such dignity, even going to dinner with her and enjoying her company.  He showed me that a man is meant to love seeing the girl giddy with excitement as she stands at the edge of a mountain, that her birthday should be such a celebration even though she is only turning 23, and simply her excitement (or frustrations) should be heard, not only heard but acknowledged. 

Fall of 2019 was a tough part of the school year but that is okay.  We are made stronger by being tested with difficult tasks.  I would say that 2019, regardless of how hard and how many tears were shed, made me a stronger person.  It made me someone I have wanted to be for forever.  I chased this person for a long time and could not find her.  I am so thankful for the experiences, regardless of how horrible because I can be more empathetic, I can be more kind, and I feel like I can truly strive to be the person God made me to be.  This quote is what 2019 (and God obviously) has taught me, "Allow God to continually soften your heart, so that it beats for what His heart beats for, people".

Just some pictures to capture the trip to Albuquerque