Disclaimer: Babies are good, I just do not want one right now.
Recently I broke up with my boyfriend. It was one of the worst and best experiences that one can have. You learn to stand up for yourself even if breaking up with the other person does not necessarily mean that he or she is a horrible person; it means that the particular person is not meant for you. As much as the dating scene can have rough waters it does teach many lessons for those of us out there hoping to get married someday.
The first lesson that I learned is to let people into my life, to be vulnerable. This is one of the hardest things in life that I continually am trying to accomplish every day. It is not easy for me to be vulnerable thus when this man came into my life I tried every tactic in my book to try to scare him off. All of these ranging from acting completely disinterested and totally aloof to telling him straight up that I did not 'really like you the way you like me'. This did not deter him and a month later he was picking me up at my house to take me on a date. As we drove down the highway I was nervous...and he was too. To sum it all up he took me to dinner then we went dancing in the headlights. (Very fun for those who have not done it. Driving and then each of you alternate choosing a spot to jump out and dance to before continuing to drive down the dirt road) Anyways, to digress, to be vulnerable, to allow someone to do what they are meant to do, to pursue the woman, and to be the man was a lesson well worth learning.
The second lesson is that we must be equally yoked. From 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" This young man was not Catholic and I am full-blooded, cradle born Catholic. It was my biggest issue with our relationship, from the beginning. Many people told me to give him the chance and to deal with that later. So I focused on learning who he was as a person without trying to define him by what his faith was. As our short relationship grew though the tension of not being at the same place in our faith started to rise. I was answering questions and wanting him to come to Mass every Sunday with me, while he had other plans instead of rising early to attend Mass where it really didn't pertain to him. (Very hard for a non-Catholic to go to Mass every Sunday when they do not truly understand the meaning of the Mass) This lead to many disagreements and worries in our relationship. It is not impossible for a non-Catholic and a Catholic to marry but if they are not equally yoked there will be struggles for one will have to give up part of their faith for the sake of the other.
The third lesson: would he make a good father? In many aspects this young man would have made a good father. He was very kind to children and especially to the elderly. He loved to have fun and knew how to jump right in to listening to all the crazy things in my family. He has an excellent relationship with his mother but while all of this is good, he wasn't quite grown up. He would often leave town to race to other towns to help a friend in need. (good quality, bad timing) His best friend was more important than me. (Leaving me wondering what happened to our plans as he was off with his best friend) To marry someone who was not ready to be with the girl he liked more than his best friend meant that I was not quite the priority I needed to be to even entertain the idea of marriage. If there is not sight of marry the guy than there is no point in dating him and creating more of an emotional bond than need be.
All said and done the relationship and process had good lessons while some were painful others taught me to not be so closed off to the world. (Something I struggle with daily) Without further ado, my advice: never cease praying for your future husband, for his struggles and for his achievements; do not stop forming yourself (you might think you are ready but you can always grow); and do not be afraid to end the relationship even if there is nothing that is wrong with the relationship to the outside world.
Happy Advent!
~A Girl Chasing Her Dreams
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